How to Ensure You DON’T GROW in 2026

Greetings. I'm Sanballat, chief mocker of God's work. You might remember me. If you don't, go read Nehemiah 4:1 to know what I'm all about. When Nehemiah tried building walls, I built excuses.

No one asked me to write an article for your little church in 2026, but I submitted this in hope that you'll be open to some good sense. Thankfully, the "Pilgrim's Press" team had enough brains to publish this piece.

All this talk about spiritual growth in the New Year is entirely unnecessary. Instead, I don't think any of you should be all too concerned about spiritual growth. It's a boogey-man used by pastors to scare members into giving more. So to resist the manipulation, here are my recommendations for avoiding spiritual growth in 2026.

Avoid Self Assessment

Taking a long hard look in the mirror is always uncomfortable, and you don't need any more of that. Learn to accept yourself just as you are. Striving to grow just makes life more complicated. Don't journal. Definitely don't confess sins. All that does is make you feel bad.

Make No New Plans

I'm talking about plans to serve, give, grow, and bless others—don't plan to do that. Go below; it's likely to happen naturally. But be sure to plan your biggest vacations, your doctor's appointments, and the concerts you've always wanted to go to. Plan your retirement, the little league schedule, and other business ventures. But don't make any plans about your spiritual life.

Be Content with Good Intentions

The Lord really cares about the heart, and that means as long as you have good intentions, he will be pleased. Don't worry about following through or actually sacrificing anything. As long as you "feel convicted" from time to time and intend "someday" to serve the Lord, that will be enough. Remember: strong feelings are a valid substitute for obedience.

Read Spiritual Fluff, but Not Scripture

Have you ever seen those little devotionals that tell cute little stories, and then have a little Bible verse tacked on? I'd really encourage you to make that your spiritual diet in 2026. The Bible is too hard to understand.

Believe You Can Overcome Your Challenges Without the Church's Help

Whatever you do in 2026, don't let other church members into your private life. You don't need fallen sinners to get their grimy hands all over your problems. They will only make it worse.

Maximize Those Weekends

I mean for travel and fun stuff, of course. Fun on Sunday mornings. Go to the rave Saturday night. Sunday at 10:30 am is a perfect time for family brunch. You also don't want to miss Sunday Night Football or other things that happen that evening. In fact, if you're going to church 3 times a month, it's probably a sign you're not having enough fun and need to get a life. I've always is plenty of church in my book—you really need those beach weekends and tournaments.

Be On the Lookout for a Best Friend

Especially in the church. Don't take on the mindset that your responsibility is to love people, regardless of who they are and what they can offer you. Instead, be on the lookout for a "best friend" or "perfect chemistry." That way you don't have to waste your time on people who will only drain you.

Avoid All Close Relationships

This is connected to the previous one. Be very selective about people. Remember, the card says you're special, so don't waste your energy on anyone who isn't. If you don't vibe well with someone, move on. They might need you eventually, but who wants to help someone unless they make you feel good? Keep everyone just far enough away that they can't actually challenge you, but close enough that they'll still admire you.

Only Judge Yourself by How You Feel

If you're tired, don't serve. If you don't feel like reading your Bible, don't. If prayer seems difficult, it's probably not for you. Trust your emotions—they're the most reliable guide you have. Besides, if your heart condemns you, just remind yourself that your heart deserves kindness too.

If someone confronts you about sin, remember that no one has the right to judge you. You know your own heart better than anyone else. If you don't think you're doing anything wrong, that's really all that matters.

I hope these are all helpful to you. I have plenty more suggestions (ask me about prayer, Sunday Evenings, or giving). But these, I trust, will keep you right where you are today, without any chance of growing—which is what you want, right?

See you in church... occasionally.

Editor's note: We don't typically publish submissions from biblical villains, but this one was too good to ignore.