A Letter to the Mother of Teens
My son “Red” once said, “Mom, did you ever think when I was little that one day you would put me down after holding me and never pick me up again?” I didn’t think of it then, but now it echoes in my heart. Parenting is full of “firsts and lasts”—first smiles, first steps, first days of school. But the “lasts” sneak in silently—the last bedtime story, the last school pickup, the last time they reach for your hand in public. These moments stay with you. As your kids grow and leave home, you’ll often sit with these memories and wonder: Was I a good parent? What could I have done differently?
When you become an empty-nester, or what a dear friend of mine calls a bird launcher, life shifts in both subtle and significant ways. The once noisy, bustling home grows quiet, and you’re left with time to reflect. You begin to look back on the parenting years through a new lens, one that brings both clarity and humility. You may recognize strengths but also become more aware of your weaknesses, missteps, and even some regrets. The teenage years often stand out. They’re both stretching and refining. With the perspective I have now, if I could write a letter to my younger self in those years, here’s what I would say:
Dear Zahira,
Welcome to the teenage years. Yes, welcome! Embrace this season with all its challenges and rewards, because the Lord will use it to draw you closer to Him. Your dependence on Him will deepen, and you’ll have rich opportunities to walk alongside your teen, living out the gospel together. This season is not just about surviving; it’s about shaping and preparing your teens to launch into adulthood. As you step into this journey, here are a few words of wisdom to guide and encourage you along the way.
Do not neglect the reading of God's word and prayer, even in the busyness of life.
There is no better time than now to anchor your heart in Scripture. Parenting teens, like every season of life, brings with it unique trials and responsibilities. In these moments, you will need the sustaining truth of God’s promises. Scripture is not optional for the believer; it is sufficient and necessary to thoroughly equip you for every good work (2 Timothy 3:16–17). Likewise, prayer is not merely a spiritual discipline; it is a means of grace. The Lord commands us to pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:16–18), inviting us to bring our petitions before him. We do so with confidence, knowing that he hears the cries of the righteous (Psalm 34:17) and answers according to His sovereign and perfect will (1 John 5:14–15).
Let go of control. Trust in the sovereignty of God.
As your children enter the teenage years, you’ll notice your grip on them will loosen. It will be tempting to cling tighter, wanting to control every aspect of their life. But remember you are not in control. God is. Scripture reminds us that God is sovereign, and we are not (Proverbs 19:21). He has ordained every step of their story, and He loves them more perfectly than you do. Rest in the truth that even when you can’t see it, He is at work.
Your responsibility is not to be perfect, it’s to be faithful.
Be faithful in discipling your teens, not just by teaching but by modeling the gospel. They are watching how you navigate through life’s challenges and while this will never be perfect what matters is that your teens see a mom who turns to Christ in her need. Motherhood has a way of revealing your weaknesses but remember that God’s grace is sufficient and that in our weakness, His power is made perfect (2 Corinthians 12:9).
Correct with kindness, not with control.
Discipline in the teenage years will look different. You’ll move from “time-outs” to conversations, moments of teaching rather than simply correcting. As you guide your teen, remember that “God’s kindness is meant to lead us to repentance” (Romans 2:4). Don’t neglect spending time together in God’s Word. Let scripture, not just your opinions, shape their understanding. Ephesians 6:4 says, “Do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Your teens will not always behave but bad behavior is not an excuse for a sinful response from you. Let correction be grounded in love, patience, and the desire to see their hearts drawn closer to Christ.
Don’t be afraid to apologize.
This does not come naturally. Your teens need to see you model humility, repentance and the importance of forgiveness. Confess your wrongdoing, express how sorry you are, and ask them to forgive you (James 5:16).
Learn to manage responses and emotions, including your own.
Anxious parents may result in anxious teens. When emotions run high or challenges arise, try to remain calm. Help them manage their emotions by talking things through. Learn to be a good listener. Not every conversation needs your advice, sometimes just your undivided attention. Lastly, avoid the temptation to solve all their problems. Teach them to seek God for themselves and remind them that God designs trials to create endurance and maturity (James 1:2-4).
Lean on your church family.
You were never meant to walk alone in this journey. Don’t allow pride to hinder you from asking for prayer, help, or advice. We were meant to bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2) as well as encourage and build each other up (1 Thessalonians 5:11).
Delight in every season.
The time you have with your teens is fleeting. Delight in it and in who God made them to be! Make time for family meals, savor conversations, don’t shy away from healthy debates. Laugh together. Pray together. These seemingly ordinary moments are shaping them and influencing how they will one day relate to their own families. Above all, tell them you love them, often and sincerely. You won’t parent perfectly, and your teens will recognize that, especially as they grow older. But they will remember your love, your care, and your presence. Remember that “love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8).
